Agony Read online

  I turned on the water, hopped in, and washed myself up in record timing. I blow dried my hair and reached for some mouse. I had been thinking about flat ironing my hair but decided I’d rather accentuate the natural waves.

  When I was done, I gave myself one last look over in the full length mirror on the door and blew a kiss. The dress hugged me in all the right places without being too tight.

  Hopefully he thought I looked as hot as I felt.

  “I’m ready!” I said cheerfully walking into the living room.

  “Wow,” Arsen said appreciatively.

  “Not bad, Neve!” Addie agreed with a nod.

  Arsen stood up and came over to where I was standing. He took one of my hands and raised my arm, looking me up and down.

  “Very nice,” he said with a grin.

  “Let’s get going guys! We’ve got a party to host!” Arsen said leading the way out of my apartment.

  Seven

  It was nine pm and the cookout was in full swing. Addie had opted to go in a yellow halter top and white flair skirt. She wore white flip flops and looked absolutely amazing.

  I was standing next to Arsen who was happily grilling away with a beer in his hand, looking around at a lot of familiar faces.

  I had seen most of the people that were here have sex and I was feeling highly uncomfortable.

  That was only deepened when Jess came over to chat with me.

  “You look hot!” she exclaimed.

  “Thanks, Jess,” I mumbled looking down.

  The truth was so did she. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a sleek bun and she was wearing a black tube top and electric blue denim jeans. On her feet, she work clunky sandals that made her a bit taller than me.

  “So Arsen tells me that you guys are a hanging out a lot,” she said with a friendly smile.

  “Did I?” he asked, glancing over at her.

  “Yeah.”

  “And when did I say that?” he inquired.

  “Um ... a little while ago. I thought you said ...,” her voice trailed off into a giggle. She gave him a playful shove and he laughed before he turned his attention back to his grill.

  “It’s awesome that you’re cool with what he does,” she said with a kind smile.

  I swallowed hard.

  The truth was that I wasn’t. And I never would be. I only hoped he wouldn’t feel lonely enough to go back to fucking random girls.

  “Hey Jess, wanna go inside and grab something for me?” Arsen said.

  “What do you need?” she asked him.

  “I don’t care. Just go and grab anything,” he replied meaningfully.

  Jess looked confused for a minute, but when she saw the sullen look on my face, she understood and gave my arm a quick rub before leaving.

  “Sorry about that,” Arsen mumbled. “Jessie’s a good girl, she just talks too damn much.”

  I just shrugged and looked at the ground.

  “Neve,” Arsen said putting his spatula down, “You don’t have anything to worry about. From anyone here. If you could see the look on your face right now, you’d know why I’m saying that.”

  I glanced up at him and nodded. I believed him but it was still hard not knowing if he’d slept with most of the women here.

  “Neve!” Addie yelled jogging toward me.

  “What’s up?” I asked her.

  She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me away from Arsen’s side, “These boys over here are bragging about their beer pong skills. It’s time that we show them how it’s done.”

  “Hold on. I can’t do this in a dress.”

  I walked back to Arsen and asked him if he had some shorts that I could borrow and possibly a muscle shirt of some sort.

  “Is this a game I should be betting on?” he asked mischievously as I followed him into his house.

  “You might want too. I hate beer; can’t stand the taste. It makes me a great player,” I explained with a laugh.

  Arsen led me up the stairs and into his bedroom where he handed me a pair of black basketball shorts and a white muscle shirt.

  “I feel like we should put some shoe polish under your eyes,” he said with a laugh when I walked out.

  “Maybe a sweatband too?” I asked, sticking out my tongue. “Got anything that I can tie my hair up with?”

  “Yeah actually; check the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. The last time my sister was here she forgot a bunch of those hair tie things,” he said, pointing to a door.

  I went into the bathroom and opened the mirror. I grabbed a black, elastic hair tie and looped my hair into a tight ponytail.

  “Hey, Arsen?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Shoe polish me?”

  I heard his loud laughter as he approached the door and knocked before coming in.

  “Step aside, woman,” he said in a fake macho voice.

  I rolled my eyes and giggled as he produced the shoe polish from his a different cabinet and uncapped it. He placed his thumb in it and with two quick, firm swipes, gave me some war paint.

  I leaned over to look in the mirror and flexed, making a fake game face. He laughed again as he gently moved me so he could wash his hands in the sink.

  “Come on,” I said to him cheerfully as I walked out of his bathroom, through his bedroom, and down the stairs to the main floor.

  Once we got outside, I ran over to the set up table where Addie was standing and nudged her. She laughed and we high fived.

  This game was going to be fun.

  “Ladies first,” one of the guys said. I eyed him for a moment. His body had a similar build to Arsen’s so it was obvious what he did for a living. I didn’t know his name, but his long blonde hair and crystal blue eyes reminded me of someone.

  “Give it here, Tarzan,” I said dryly.

  He laughed good-naturedly and tossed the ping pong ball toward me. I caught it with ease and looked at Adesynne.

  “How do you want to do this? Quick and painless or slow and make them suffer?” I asked loudly.

  “How about you just toss the ball and try not to get hurt,” Tarzan asked with a grin.

  I raised an eyebrow at him, sized up the cups, and let the ball fly through the air.

  Plop!

  It landed in the middle cup in the last row. Everyone was quiet for a moment; everyone except for Addie who was giggling wickedly.

  “Drink up, Blondie,” I said casually.

  I put my hands on his hips as he fished out the ball and drank. He tossed the cup aside and blew me a kiss. Then he let the ball fly and did the same thing that I had just done.

  Oh shit. This might not have been a good idea after all.

  I looked at Addie who was staring at the cup with the same expression I was.

  “This made be harder than I thought,” she mumbled, reaching for the cup.

  “Um, excuse me! I believe that cup belongs to her,” he said to Addie.

  “There’s no designation here,” Addie called back.

  “Well, if she can’t handle it, then maybe she shouldn’t play,” he replied simply.

  I shot him a dirty look and snatched the cup from Addie. The smell of the beer alone was making my stomach turn. I fished out the ball and stared at the red cup’s contents.

  Arsen suddenly snatched the cup out of my hand and drank down the beer.

  “Hey man! What gives?” Tarzan yelled to him.

  “I was thirsty,” he replied with a shrug. He gave me a secret smirk and walked back to the spot that he had been watching the game from.

  Tarzan rolled his eyes. Addie grabbed the ball and let it fly. She sunk it easily and Tarzan’s partner, with the short black hair and big brown eyes laughed as he fished out the ball and drank.

  “I have a feeling I’m going to be seriously drunk at the end of this,” she grumbled as Brown Eyes sunk his shot.

  Three hours and more than enough games of Beer Pong later, mostly everyone was starting to leave. Tarzan and Brown Eyes were passed under the table and I
couldn’t find Adesynne anywhere. I became frantic until Jess assured me that she was safely passed out in the living room alone.

  “I guess I should grab her and get going,” I said to Arsen after I helped him clean up.

  “Nah. Let her sleep. We can go upstairs and hang out on the balcony,” he said with a smile.

  “Are you sure? I mean, what about them?” I asked pointing to my adversaries.

  “They’ll be okay. Trust me. It’s not the first time they’ve ‘slept’ there,” he replied laughing.

  I nodded, “Okay, then let’s go.”

  After we checked on Addie, we walked up the stairs and back into Arsen’s bedroom. He led the way to the balcony doors and sat down in one of the folding chairs that were there.

  “Did you have a good time, Neve?” he asked, glancing at me.

  I nodded shyly.

  “Good. I was hoping that you did.”

  He took one of my hands and held it in his lap, while he looked out into the night sky. My body was trembling so hard in that moment, that I was sure he could feel it. When he chuckled, I knew I was right. Arsen gave my hand a gentle squeeze and sighed. I didn’t know what the sigh meant, but he reached over and moved my chair closer to his. I glanced at him and he gave me a small smile. I held his gaze for a few precious seconds before I looked away shyly.

  “Hey,” he said quietly.

  When I turned to look at him, he pressed his lips gently against mine. My heart was beating wildly but the trembling stopped as I felt him part my mouth slightly with his tongue. It honestly felt like time had come to a standstill. My hand slipped out of his and pulled him closer to me as we probed each other’s mouths; our tongues dancing together in perfect harmony.

  Arsen was the one that pulled away. I could have sat there and kissed him forever if he’d let me.

  “Just as sweet as I thought it would be,” he said with a small grin.

  I desperately wanted another kiss, but I wasn’t going to make any moves for it. If Arsen wanted me to kiss him, I’d let him initiate it.

  “Thanks for taking tonight. I really needed it. Addie had fun too and that’s important to me,” I said softly.

  “I can tell you guys really love each other,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

  “Yeah, we don’t have any brothers or sisters so we’ve been really tight since we were kids.”

  He nodded but didn’t say anything.

  I sat there for a moment silently contemplating where the night could potentially take us.

  Addie had always told me that losing your virginity was a big deal. She said it should be with someone you loved and wanted to be with for a long time; possibly forever. I didn’t know if that’s what this was because I had never fallen in love before, but I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t be a bad idea if it happened with Arsen.

  He leaned over again suddenly and I took a sharp breath, when I felt him kiss the side of my neck. It gave me a sensation that I had never felt before.

  Yeah, he’ll give me anything I want, I thought euphorically to myself as he gently reached his hands over and squeezed my breasts.

  I reached my hands up and ran my fingers through his hair as his hands explored my body.

  “We need to get inside. Now,” he whispered, his breath labored.

  He stood up and scooped me out of the chair; cradling me in his arms. He used his foot to push the bedroom door open and carried me to the bed.

  We fell onto it, tangled in each other. We kissed a yearning kiss, as if though we would never have the chance to be together again.

  Arsen pulled away long enough to pull his black t-shirt over his head and toss it to the side. My hands went to his muscular chest almost immediately. I wanted to feel his body with every sense that I could possibly use. He picked me up and laid me down on my back, letting his body weight drop onto me.

  “Do you really want to do this?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I replied without hesitation.

  “I just needed to be sure. And so you know, until the moment I’m inside of you, I’m going to keep asking,” he replied before he moved his lips to my neck again.

  I wiggled under his kisses. Every time that Arsen asked me if I wanted him, from this point on the answer would always be yes.

  The moon had risen enough that slivers of light were coming through the window. I watched as he pulled himself off of me and unzipped his jeans.

  “Take your clothes off, Neve,” he said softly as he pulled his pants off.

  I did as he asked. He sat there for a moment looking at my body with hungry eyes. I let my eyes wander down his body, taking in the ripples on his taut stomach. I took a shaky breath as I noticed that rock hard erection in his boxer briefs.

  There was no question about the fact that Arsen wanted me.

  As he began to lower himself down on me again, I pushed him back. He looked at me in confusion until I began to run my hands over his desire. He sat back on the bed and sighed softly.

  “Neve,” he whispered.

  Before he could ask me the question, I boldly reached a hand into the opening of his underwear and wrapped my hands around it.

  Since I had never had sex, only seen it multiple times happen in front of me, I knew that Arsen was ‘porn star’ size. It was long, smooth, and thick.

  I began to run my hands slowly up and down it as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I leaned my body forward and kissed his neck causing his body to start quivering.

  I tightened my grip on his now throbbing member and began to move my hand a little faster. Arsen moaned and I felt myself starting to pool in my dark blue, lace boy shorts.

  I took my hand out of his underwear and reached for the sides, pulling them down and off of them. I let them fall to the carpet next to the bed as he watched me with labored breaths.

  “You’re so beautiful, baby doll,” he whispered.

  I smiled at him as he ran a hand down the side of my face.

  I moved my hand away and ran it up the length of his body, allowing a teasing sensation to ripple through him.

  “Oh God, Neve,” he moaned.

  I lowered my hands back down and began to rub him again, but he pushed my hands away.

  “You have to stop or I’m going to blow right now,” he said with a soft laugh.

  I looked up at him and grinned.

  “I’m an old pro by association,” I replied making a face.

  Arsen laughed and stood up. I was sitting on the bed, almost eye level with his spit covered desire. When I reached for it again, he moved my hand away.

  He looked at me for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath before he got back onto his bed and laid down next to me. He pushed my legs open and started to rub me over my panties. I could feel the small pool becoming larger as he ran my fingers over my labia. I leaned my head back against the board and moaned softly when he moved my fingers up to my clit and began to circle it slowly with his finger.

  I squeezed my one of my breasts as he continued to fondle me.

  “How does that feel, Neve?” he asked.

  “Am...a...zing,” I stammered.

  “I’m going to stop now. Take off your bra and your panties. Lay flat on your back and keep your legs open,” he instructed.

  With trembling hands, I again did as he said. There were only two options left. Either he was going to use his mouth on my wet sex or he was going to put his dick inside of me.

  Arsen moved on the bed and looked at me before he moved his face down and began to suck on my nipples. First one, then the other, while he gently used his teeth to nibble them in between suckling.

  I closed my eyes and moaned loudly. It was an amazing feeling and I loved every nibble, every suck.

  I felt him position himself on the bed and move himself so that he would be between my open legs. I felt the head of his dick as he rubbed it gently against my wet pussy lips. He leaned up and kissed me while he teased me.

  “Last chance to back out,”
he whispered into my ear.

  I opened my eyes for a moment and ran my hands through is hair as he continued to tease me.

  I want this so bad right now.

  But before I could tell him that, I caught of flash of his latest movie go through my mind. Even if I had never seen his “work, all I could see was him on top of some blonde girl, ramming her like no tomorrow.

  “No. I... I can’t do this. Please get off of me,” I whispered.

  He didn’t hesitate. He pulled his naked body off of mine and sat on the bed next to me. I turned my back to him and wiped tears away from my eyes.

  I couldn’t believe that, despite my feelings for him, I almost gave a porn actor my virginity. It wasn’t right. He had more than enough pussy to fuck on a daily basis.

  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “Is it because, you know?” he asked quietly.

  I sniffled and nodded.

  “I’m sorry that I never told you. I just ... I’m not ashamed of what I do, Neve. I want you to know that. But I also want you to know that I didn’t tell you because of your reaction to the industry when I first asked you what you did at Devil’s Den. God, I felt like I got struck by a lightning bolt when I saw you sleeping in New York and I never felt that before. I knew you were special and I...kind of fell for you right then and there. I didn’t want you to think any less of me because of what I do; that’s why I didn’t tell you. A lot of it is fake anyway,” he said.

  “Which part? The part where you fuck three girls or the part where you cum all over them?” I asked bitterly through fresh tears.

  “Yeah, I guess that’s all you would see. But because of what you said, I know you didn’t even watch it,” he replied unhappily as he got off of the bed.

  “Why would I want to watch it?” I asked incredulously, sitting up. I reached down for my blanket and pulled it up over my naked body.

  Arsen put his hands on his hips and looked at me before he answered.

  “Do you still have it? The movie?” he asked.

  “Unfortunately. Adesynne made me keep it since she paid eighty bucks for it.”

  “Get dressed and meet me at outside please,” he said as he walked out of the bedroom.